Friday, March 11, 2016

Senior Scaries

Flashback two months ago and you'd find a very senioritis-ridden Erica Bogdan. Zoom in on present day and you'll find a somewhat unstable Erica Bogdan; half plagued by senioritis, half crippled by the senior scaries. As much as senioritis has set in (and trust me, it has) there are things that I catch myself thinking about that no longer apply to me. As an RA, I think about how I'll do this differently next year, or do that bulletin board even better. As a coxswain I think about how I can't wait to see the freshman kill it next year as sophomores. And then I realize next year I'll be in a completely different place. It's a rude awakening, realizing that routines of four years will be completely dismantled and habits will be wildly redistributed. For the first time in my life, the future is actually very uncertain (not fun). Graduating high school didn't have the "scary" factor because college was a given, it was the logical next step. 71 days from now, there's no "next step". Some of my best friends have job offers, others are heading to Thailand for three months, others are grad-school bound... and I'm over here existentially confused on a daily basis. This self-reflective trance has led me to stop taking the little things for granted. I start counting "lasts", like last-first spring practice, and last-duty-night with some of my favorite staff members. I feel on the cusp of a big transition as I cherish the most minute details of my Marist world. I've come to realize that I'll really miss my starry eyed freshmen (pains in my ass that they are) and how much I actually love the sunrise on the river. The scary factor is here and it's now and it's something I'm really grappling with. I'm lucky I have the support system that I do to reassure me that whatever happens happens, and wherever I'm headed it's going to be somewhere really exciting. So bring it on, senior scaries. 

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